the daily humorscope
В
Tuesday, August 30, 2011В
Aries (March 21 April 19)
Excellent day to tell everyone you know that a «horsepower» is a unit of power equal to 746 watts in the U.S., but which is not quite equivalent to the English horsepower, which is 550 foot-pounds of work per second.Once their eyes glaze over, you can borrow money from them without them even fully realizing it.
Today will be a great day for bargains.For example, you’ll find a really amazing price on a flame-thrower, at the Army surplus store.A flame-thrower is one of those rare things that really creates a lasting first impression so you should definitely get it.
You are being watched by a large penguin.Act normal.
Nothing especially remarkable will happen today.You will get a strange urge to talk like Ziggy Marley, but it will pa*s.
You will be misidentified, on national TV, as a renowned ichthyologist.Several people will call you, long distance, to ask about the mating habits of Tilapia.
This is a good time to start becoming a connosieur.You have to take that one thing at a time, though e.g.nobody is going to become a wine connosier overnight.Start with something that’s fun to say.Pumpernickel, for example.
Yesterday’s bathtub mystery will be explained today.Still, you’ll have no idea what to feed the penguin.Pizza might work, I’d think.
You will get a postcard from the Forbidden City today, containing some very unsettling news.You won’t realize that, of course, since it will be written in a language you don’t understand.
Try being entirely honest for a week.That’s a fine way to develop a clear conscience.Personally, I prefer my method, though a poor memory.
Noticing a picture on a colleague’s desk, you will comment «I’ve never cared for those hairless cats».That might not be a good thing to say.Newborns can be a bit blotchy, and new parents can be a bit touchy
This is a good time for you to start your on-line loan shark business.Start small, though.Try to be sort of a «loan piranha», at first.
Another one of those excrutiatingly boring meetings today.Try to liven things up by summoning one of the people back from the dead.
Jim Beam Bacon Mustard, 11-Ounce (Pack of 6)
